Healing from the Inside Out

0:17 I'm Kimberly. And I'm Laura. And today our topic is healing from the inside out. It's an inside job, eh? Healing. Yeah, we talk about it like being an inside job. But I have recently been kind of annoyed with some things. But just feeling like people want to put the actual healing process on outside forces or say that there's outside forces that are preventing them from healing or that are not helping them. So that's where this idea for today came from. And it's okay, don't don't fear if you are if you are realizing that this is very normal. This is very normal. And this is a part of the process. And I think when it's something annoys me, and this is kind of off topic for what we're talking about today, but when something kind of like annoys me or it like triggers me, it makes me pay attention. And then that sometimes is my signal from spirit that this is something important to talk about.

1:21 Absolutely. So that's where a lot of our ideas tend to come from is our annoyance with something that we want to talk out together and explain. And sometimes I think it's for me, like I hate to be selfish in this moment. But but I feel like sometimes I broadcast feel like they're just for me. And maybe you feel like that sometimes too. Well, it's not hard to talk about topics for us because this is our everyday life. We really do talk about stuff all the time. And I think one of the reasons why we love doing the podcast is that they were not talking about anything we haven't had to go through ourselves. So everything we talk about is something we've we've gone through. And we've come out the other side with a new awareness and a new way of helping people because in our field, we do have people that come to us and want that quick fix or that magic pill or you know, and what I say to people is, you know, there's there's 100,000, I don't know how many modalities out there. There's there's tons of them. And you don't have to keep running from one to the other. And usually it's probably a red flag if you are running from one to the other because, you know, really, it is hard to go within. It really is hard. This isn't something

2:39 It can be annoying for any of us. It's how it's annoying, annoying for the person going through it. But it healing is so worth it. So it's really worth doing the work. It's, you know, I, I talk to people all the time. And it's, it's one of those things that the more you take on for yourself, the quicker you're going to get through it. And there is no real quick or easy way through it. It's just, you know, you know, you're there when you're there, you know, and, and the other part of this is that we're never done. So I've always been the type of person that I don't ever put, believe me, I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform in the way that I just have this mentality that I should be able to do anything. And I've been like this all my life. But I don't put the pressure on myself in a way that when I was younger, I did, I did put a lot of pressure on myself. And I was very insecure when I didn't do it 100% right. And then through growing and going inside, I've learned, you know, how, how can I expect something of myself I've never done before? And one of the ironic things is it's as simple as following directions, instructions on things, which my wonderful wife taught me to do, because I always just expected, no, I'm not going to read them.

4:00 Because what I was really saying is I have a learning disability and I don't see things the way other people do. And my wife knows this because she watches me. So when I first would get frustrated, I wasn't reading the instructions I can read, but I couldn't always figure it out by reading. I'm very visual. So I needed like YouTube is my thing, you know, if I can see it, I can do it. So, and then I always bug the hell out of my son. Who's a red seal carpenter? I'd ask him something. But, you know, I think that this is a very big topic because I see people that are so insecure in so many different ways that they can't even allow themselves the space to connect with themselves. So they can go within and healing is hard. It is hard because part of it to move forward, you really have to accept that you have some shit, right? And we all do that you have stuff that you aren't proud of and behaviors that you're not proud of. So taking that personal responsibility and also feelings are uncomfortable. Yes. And people don't they don't actually want to feel certain things. So here's the human thing that we do. Like we avoid things, right?

5:17 We use distractions of different, all different kinds or we block things out or we go into denial because it's hard. Denial is a big one. Right. And to me, even like alcohol can fit into that category of denial, because what are you doing? You're trying to cope with something. Right. By blocking it out. And and we know this, we've done them all. Oh, we've done it. We've done it. It's it's not something it's not something I haven't done, but it's something that I feel like I it's weird. I feel I'm recovering from that part of myself. And I don't go to that place anymore where I'm looking for something like food or alcohol or anything like that. We're in Canada. So weed's legal. It's, you know, like, I'm not looking for that to take me away from my problems anymore, which is something that I have done in the past. And so for me, that's growth.

6:12 But I feel like that's where a lot of people are. They don't want to do the hard thing. But if you just allowed yourself to feel those uncomfortable emotions and then take responsibility, personal responsibility for exactly where you are in your life, you can net you can then go from there. There's that's a really good jumping off point. Well, and that's one thing I love about our relationship is Laura and I are so, you know, we're so connected, but we're both so I feel a little sorry for her sometimes that she's with me because I'm so straightforward and right to the point. So if we have shit to deal with, it's like, let's unpack this, let's put this on the table and let's go. And we've been doing this a long time, like we were doing this a long time before we met each other. And so we've been in this work a long time. And what you sometimes when you're in it for a while and you become more experienced with the kind of the situation or the feeling of healing, you forget why, why you're doing it. It's not that you don't, you know, you know, it's important, but you're not thinking about the actual reasons. And what I realized through lots of hard experiences is that healing is only healing really is only about you letting go of the things that no longer serve you.

7:25 Absolutely. Yeah. And that's it. It's so simple. And then when you do let go of those things that no longer serve you, you're not carrying around the weight or the burden of those experiences anymore. So you don't have any of the side effects either. Well, that's one of the things 2026 for me, like every year, I'm just happy to be here. And I would say every year was a good year for me because every year I get to learn more and grow more. That's a good year for me. Doesn't matter how hard it is because we've had lots of hard. But the thing I love about 2026 is it's repeatedly given me healing. It's like, it's constant. And a lot of that's come through being in the earth, obviously, because this is the whole point we need to get people to quiet. They've got to quiet that inner voice.

8:14 They've got to quiet their mind so you can hear the wisdom that comes from listening to the universe. Yeah, because it does come, but you got to quiet. You got to make it, there's so much noise. If I could get one thing across the people is that our heads are so, so busy. And we're people are on the TV and on their phones. And, you know, it saddens me to see so many people with their head and devices, but yet we're complaining that kids are on devices all the time. But I hate to say it, but it's coming from somewhere. And that's it. I just, I just saw something this morning about a parent who was trying to help other parents like with kids and screen time and stuff. And she made a really good point. She said that she gives her son only a certain amount of screen time every day that's non-negotiable.

9:02 Like he gets 45 minutes a day, no matter what, it's not contingent on behavior or homework or anything. But she said during the time that they have screen time, that the rule is that the parent cannot have screen time. Because what you're doing when your child has screen time, they are disconnecting from, you know, their surroundings. They're disconnecting from the world. And, you know, 45 minutes to do that's not that big a deal. But if the parent is on their screen at the same time, she says, you're teaching the child that you are disengaged as well. And that disengagement in that way is okay. Well, this is a heartbreaker for me too, because I see this so much and it really affects me because I'm somebody who absolutely pays attention. But just for instance, my, I have four grandchildren.

9:54 When they come to Nanny and Wee was house for a whole week, no devices. They have our 100% attention. And it is so cute because I'll tell you something about kids. And these, these kids are all like between eight and 10 or three and 10. They all they want is our attention. We sit in color with them and you think we were doing some big thing. We take them to the beach, zero dollars. I mean, yeah, we'll buy them snacks and all that stuff. But hiking out to the playground, playing outside on the swings, playing washer toss with them, interacting with them, even if it's a movie night, we had them outside stargazing every night almost, or we'd have a fire or whatever. When their parents came, they like, they followed in our footsteps and get their parents to sit out under the stars the last night they were here. And it was beautiful because we just all sat around and we talked and we connected and we communicated. That is a lost art. I'm telling you, it is sad for me to watch people be in rooms. Even today, you can't watch somebody walk down the street. They got their phone in their face. They're at the beach. I have to say, mostly we see people with their phones walking by cause we live, we live in a kind of a suburban

11:14 Area where lots of people walk their dogs and, and exercise and things. But we see a lot of people walk by and they're looking at their phone as they're walking. And we always say, oh, that's a shame. Like they're missing out on this beautiful day or they're missing out on the birds or whatever. But there is a guy that walks his dog. I don't know if you've seen him, but he walks his dog and he reads a book at the same time as he's walking his dog. Oh, I know the guy. Yeah. And I'm like, man, this guy must really love books. He can't even put the book down to walk the dog. I don't see that very often. I'm pretty impressed with that one. I know, right? How do you read and walk and pick up poop and, you know, I don't know. You got the dog near your hand. You got the dog leash. That's pretty good. I was like, he's pretty skilled. That's pretty dedicated. Anyway, off topic. But I just feel like we have so many things that pull us away. And even when Kim and I sit down to do the podcast, I think about kind of our minds this way. In order for you to have clear sound, like to hear our voice clearly, we have to turn off all the appliances in the room. We have to turn off the AC. We have to turn off the water cooler because those things all make noise and we can't have noise because it would distract you from our voice. So just the same for you in your life, how are you going to pay attention to what's important if you have a million distractions?

12:32 So you got to clear clear out the clutter. And actually that's something that I feel like healing does. It does really bring you back to center. It brings you back to the place where you do remove. You just kind of naturally start chopping off distractions because no longer do those things vibrate with your energy anymore. And so what I've noticed between Kim and I, there's been a lot of changes for us over the years, but one little change is just that we don't listen to negative stuff. We can't. And even if it's a TV show, both of us find it very difficult to watch something that hurts our energy field. You do just get, you change your behavior cleaner. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And things affect you more. So you don't want to do them. Plus you don't want to participate in something that hurts you over and over over again. Cause I think that's what's going on in the world today is that people are so desensitized. They don't even have any idea of what is going on in their life.

13:32 Yeah. So they're not feeling their feelings in the moment and then it builds up and builds up and then they wonder why they just yelled at their boss for half an hour because it's been built up for months, you know, or their kids or their partner or, you know, and I think the more we understand and the more we know, the better we can do because I know myself that through the process and I'm, I'm, you know, I am somebody I don't believe in. There are no mistakes. I don't have regrets because I believe everything had to happen exactly as it did to bring me to this place where I'm in this place where I am so happy. It's ridiculous. And I really, really truly love my life. I love my wife. But I really started to notice that, oh my goodness, this is a habit. I'd start feeling frustrated about something that was going on that I had no control over. And I would look towards that glass of wine or I would look towards a chocolate bar or a bag of chips or whatever, you know, whatever. Something to like make you feel better. Right. And I noticed, and then that's the beauty of this is once you get into that spot and you start taking accountability for your own thoughts, the way you react, what you do, then this amazing

14:48 Things happens. It's like, Oh wow, I'm doing this because of that. Well, then I started realizing, well, I don't need that anymore. Yeah. Well, it's like healing is really hard work. Yeah, it is. But it's so worth it. It's so worth it. But you're putting in your effort, you're putting in your time, changing your thoughts, your beliefs and your behaviors is really, really hard. So if you're going to work that hard on your healing, why are you then going to wreck it by go and, you know, watch something really negative? So that's kind of what happens. That's how this thing kind of, it kind of works itself out in a way because you're working so hard on yourself. You're not going to then, you know, do your meditation. Can you imagine you, you know, you go for your nature walk and you do your meditation and then you give yourself a facial, you're feeling wonderful. And then you go, Oh, I think I'm going to call up the most toxic and negative friend I have and talk to them for two hours. You're not going to do that. No, you are not like because you're all Zen and happy. Why do you want to, you don't want to talk to a negative person.

15:51 You want to talk to somebody positive or you want to do something positive. It's the same things going to the gym. Are you going to work out for two hours and then leave and go buy a cheeseburger? No, probably not because you just worked out for two hours. So that's how this, the healing working on your inner self is so important. And I see, I see people fall into the same trap over and over again. So maybe I'm trying to save you. That's what I'm trying to do. But I see trying to make it easier on you. I see people have like the spiritual awakening. They're like, Oh my God, mind blown, this exists, you know, everything's energy. And then they go out into the spiritual world and they, they go, wow, oh, there's crystals and there's oils and there's people that do energy work. What? You know, and then they, they have all these treatments and they go to all these events and workshops and learn modalities and it's great because they're so excited and they're so passionate.

16:46 And that's a beautiful time on your spiritual path. But then what happens ultimately is people that are looking outside themselves constantly, they crash. And then that's normally when I find them and you find them and they come to you and they say, I don't know what happened. I was so into all this stuff. And then I just lost my drive. I lost my energy. Lost my faith. Lost my faith. And it's because you're looking in all the wrong places to get that, you know, ultimate healing experience that is all present inside of you. It's like the story of people that travel all the way to Peru to do ayahuasca. And they come back and they say, well, that was cool, but I didn't have to go anywhere to have my healing and have my awareness.

17:33 It was all within me the entire time. And maybe we have to have these experiences to break down our like our resistance to them, because I see people like do these extreme like wellness retreats and things. And I think maybe it's because we need to kind of make the commitment to ourselves and make the agreement with ourselves that we're going to heal before it actually happens. But most of the time people do these things and then they come back and they go, well, the awareness that I got was an awareness that I could have had if I just made myself really quiet. Or if I just really listened to those quiet voices. Yeah. And I think sometimes people think that it's a hard one. You don't want to have any judgment. But I know a lot of people think that, you know, they have to leave their marriage. They have to quit their job. They have to do these big things. But you know, you really don't need to jump there first. That's not the first place. Because one thing I know is if you're not happy within you, you can't, you can't give something you don't have for yourself to somebody else. Yeah, you know, it really is true. I mean, we can love, but it's like, we don't admit that we have anger within us. We don't admit that we have

18:49 Sorrow or all those things. And what is, for me, I never could understand that because we have all those things in us, we have happiness, we have sadness, we have anger, we have like joy, we have like so many different feelings and emotions in ourselves. And I think it's okay to say, Hey, I'm angry. And then to say, I'm angry because every time I'm always doing this for this person, they never feel grateful, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, well, then there's your, there's your answer. Stop doing at the cost of you. Oh, and thank you so much for saying that because that's multi layered where you just said, the first step is realizing that all your emotions are positive, right? Every single and valuable and valuable, and it's all there to teach us something. And your emotions like I teach my students, your emotions are your fuel, right? That's your fuel, your gas for like life. So don't shut down your emotions. I mean, you're just, you don't want to be the zombie walking through life and not enjoying life, you know, that's a big problem because I know, I know at first hand, I am my, I always say my last life, you know, it was like we never had any problems, you know, and nobody wants to deal with anything. If you don't say it,

20:04 It's not true. Right. And I think that's what they go by. They're like, well, if I don't, if I don't put this out here, then it's not a real problem. So, you know, that is like a red flag, red flag, we all have problems. Laura and I have one of the most incredible relationships, but it's usually not about her and I, it's an outside thing or somebody in the family. And we have to work on this. Yes. We have to work on this. This is not just like, you, you know, you're fabulous together and everything's fabulous all the time. When we have issues, we have to work it through just like everybody else. And even though you and I had a, like we've been good since the get go, we have had a lot to go through. You know, when I first met you, your kids were nine and five and my kids were like, you know, well, I'm trying to think I'm like, dear God, my son was 26 and 19 or whatever. Yeah. So, you know, my kids were grown up. Her kids were still young. We had loads and loads of things to deal with, you know, and it affected us multiple, multiple ways. And we have, you know, like Laura's kids are still well, one of her kids are still in schools. We have that to deal with. We go back and forth every month. You know, we have, like it has not been easy.

21:15 Let me tell you, we miss things on my side of the family because we can't always be there. We miss things on her side of the family because we can't be in two places at once. But we have always decided together that we try to follow as best we can with our schedules. And when we have the kids and don't, you know, they do week on week off and we always try our best to do the best we can do within that, you know, but it's not always easy. Your best is all you can do. That's as far as you can go. And I just, I really think one of the things that kind of got me and why I wanted to talk about this today is that idea that things are happening to you instead of for you. And so when we talk about healing, this is a very important awareness for anybody to have that's thinking, Oh man, I need help or I don't, I don't feel very good about the way my life is going or the path I'm on. And as I'm saying this, there's a white butterfly flying on some window. We need to remember that you are in a place where you have, you always have choices. You always have choices. You can always choose. You can say, you know, I, I can't handle this right now. That's okay.

22:34 I don't have the capacity to do this right now. That's okay. I think the key is to make the commitment to yourself that you will always try to take the next right step. It's one step at a time. It's sometimes it's one choice at a time, but sometimes one minute at a time. And that's okay. It's we're all human. And we're all struggling with different things all the time. And I don't know about you, but I always feel like I just get to this place where I'm feeling really good about something. And then the universe moves the finish line. Like I'm, it's like I'm running the marathon, right? And I can, you're just ready to feel that tape across your chest, right? Like I can see the finish line and I'm coming, I'm coming. And then all of a sudden it's moved, you know, slow motion. No, I can't run 10 more miles, you know, like, but, but I think that's part of being a spiritual person and being connected to your spirituality is that it's like you said, you're never really done, no, but you need to be able to enjoy things.

23:36 So every time the universe moves that finish line for me, I go, okay, wait, I think that's a signal that I need to stop and enjoy how far I've come. So in that moment, it's a moment to look behind you to see how see what you've overcome and to really appreciate that and give yourself kind of like a pat on the back. Well, I love that same. We've seen that one of our favorite shows. And she said, you know, we, we forget about the mountains we've already climbed. We get stuck on the one that's in front of us. But what about all the ones behind us that we've climbed? Where's the credit for all that? You know, like, I think that's the funniest thing. I always say humans, we are so, I don't want to be mean, but, you know, we're not very nice to ourselves. Yeah. You know, so hard on ourselves. It's like, I know, and we need to celebrate sometimes, like, absolutely. I love celebrating.

24:25 I'm not somebody that I don't always think about my accomplishments, but you're really good at reminding me, like, look at all the stuff you've done. So a friend, a friend sent me a message and I don't know if any of these friends are listening. Maybe they are. That there was a reunion at my university coming up a little like wine and cheese event. And it was to celebrate like 20 years. I didn't even know it had been 20, I guess. Yeah, it has been 20 years because, because I was pregnant for a while. I just did my 40. Yeah. Yeah. But you're, but that's high school. This is, this is university. Yeah. Okay. Totally make you feel a little better. Yeah. It's totally different. So, so I'm 11 years old or so, you know, I wasn't thinking at first I was like, I don't know, like, what would that be like? And then spirit kind of stepped in or the universe and kind of said, you know, you do need to stop some sometimes and appreciate everything you've done.

25:18 And that's why these events come up. You May not be able to go to this one, but just remember that that's why these things happen. So you can take stock of your life. It's not about going to the thing and bragging and saying, oh, I did this and it's not that. It's more my personal recognition of what I've accomplished and that I, I was told by my guides by spirit that I don't do this enough. Like I don't stop. And you too. I mean, you're my, you're my like human spirit guide. You're like, you're like the living spirit guide. I can't ever get away from, no, I just can't escape. I'm not the easiest. Let me tell you. But you know, I, well, you're just making me better. It's okay. Um, but yeah, this idea, like this, the personal responsibility, I did get stuck on that a little bit, but there's all these other facets of inner healing. And I, I wanted to kind of move people past the, move them past like that burnout phase with spirituality and just kind of say, listen, you can do this. You can take it one day at a time, one step at a time. You can also, this is thought at a time. This is something I've done with the universe when I get overwhelmed

26:35 Or when I'm feeling like something's not quite lining up for me. I'll say, please just show me, right? Give me the opportunity to move in the direction that I should and give me the sign. And sometimes something will pop up. And one of the things that kind of popped up for us. Um, and we should have them on the show someday if we could figure out how to talk to four people at once. Um, but, uh, Lana Grant and Sherry Dunovan, the 90 breathwork in our area, they kind of have popped into our awareness a few times and said, Hey, like come to this 90 breathwork. And, um, that was something that I experienced and I really felt like it was quite healing, but that event, the way it's structured, you do have to do it yourself. Oh yeah. Like you could, it's intense. It's intense, but you could choose to not do the breathwork. Like you could choose just lay there and go to sleep if you wanted to, you know, that's your choice. But then it's the personal responsibility is on you to do the work, to do the healing. So it actually really worked really well. Um, and I really felt really good about that. And so little things like that, a book might come into my awareness that might help me or a person. And so, and sometimes I might be drawn to something, to do something or learn something that might help. But I just, I think this is a lifelong,

27:53 It's a lifelong journey and there's no rush. That's the biggest thing. There's no rush. And you're not always going to feel really good about it. You know, sometimes it's not going to feel the best. Well, and some things are going to be harder to get through than others. And you know, one of the first things I started noticing is when I was around people that made me very uncomfortable. Um, I didn't like, you know, hypothetically, I didn't like the conversations, whether it be politics or, or whatever it would be religion or whatever. Um, I really had to work really, really hard within myself to not allow myself to get caught up in their conversations or to feel like I had to defend or stick up for the person that wasn't in the room or, or whatever. And now when I walk into a room and the conversations don't go the way I want, I will try to divert the conversation to another, like somewhere else.

28:45 I'll try to, you know, and truthfully, I'm, I'm somebody who I love life. I really, really do. Um, I just really am that person. I, I love everything about life. I wish that, you know, we could change the news and stuff to show all the good in the world. I guarantee you that things would turn around because I feel so bad for people that there's a lot of empaths in the world and they're very empathic and they're watching the news and they're scared and there's so much information today. It's like, and everybody wants it right now, right now, right now. And some things you shouldn't know right now, right now, right now. Sometimes you need space and you know, I, I watch highly like negative or highly fearful people are often people that are highly empathic and highly intuitive, but they have kind of not grown to the place where they realize something's taken them down the wrong road and, and whatever, or people that have, you know, I see this a lot in women that they've had a lot of responsibility in their life and it sucks the life rate out of them. And then they don't get to enjoy being a grandmother, you know, or a nanny like I do. I have always loved being a mom and I have always loved being a grandmother or nanny. And for me, it's like, you know, I take it very serious because I want

30:05 To do the things with my grandchildren that I did with my kids. And I want to help create these beautiful little humans into beautiful adult humans. And I think that the best way to do that is to be real with them. And, and to not put too much pressure on them, because, you know, it's such a beautiful thing being a kid, and they're so close to heaven, I always said, you know, that they, they're not tarnished yet from life and experiences that, that can really hurt us. And I think the more awareness we can get out there and the more we can help people realize that, you know, it's not happening to you. It's happening for you. And I know when I used to hear that years ago or forgiveness is a thing, the gift you give yourself, you know, and I would go, yeah, but it feels like a kick in the freaking ass because it hurts like hell. So, but now I totally understand, you know, forgiveness is for you. And sometimes, you know, it's the thing that helps you so that you don't keep going down that road that is like sticking a knife in your hand all the time. But I'll tell you what I realized about forgiveness is that we have to be very careful not to bypass the emotion part because I have worked very hard on forgiving

31:20 People in my life, but then I realized I forgave them, but I was like, but I don't forget. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I might, I might have forgave you, but I don't like you, you know, and you're still angry. That's because you didn't allow yourself to process the anger before you skipped over to the forgiveness part. Go to the end. And then that's not what we call like spiritual bypassing. That's because we think, because this is what I thought, but I was a highly spiritual person and I should not be angry at anybody or anything. But that's no different than everybody. And then you, the spiritual bypassing part is, oh, everybody has a journey and everybody has hardship. And yes, they do, but they also have their own personal responsibility and they are able to make choices. And when they make irresponsible choices, you're allowed to be angry at them. You're just not allowed to go out and do anything, you know, against the law or anything, but you know, but you're allowed to be angry and you're allowed to process that anger. And once you feel like you've processed it, then forgive them and then let it go. But don't buy into that kind of spiritual idea that we should just be Zen beings all the time. It's impossible. And if you're developing your psychic ability or your mediumship ability, or maybe you're taking Reiki, or you're doing something that you

32:40 Are actually developing and learning as a person, all of those things are going to come back to you. All of those little nigglies that you didn't deal with, they're going to come back to you full force and you're going to have to deal with them at some point. So don't buy into that spiritual, I think it's just so it is spiritual bypassing when we just say, oh, but that person had such a hard life and you know, oh, but it could have been much harder for me. And yes, all those things can be true, but it can also be true that you are boiling mad. And you're allowed to be and the anger is good. If you're working in a spiritual field, if you don't allow your emotions to flow, you have no fire, meaning you have no like energy, no sacred life force to continue to do what you came here to do.

33:29 If we bypass everything and we just were so calm and Zen and nothing is any anybody's fault ever, then you don't have the passion inside of you to continue to do your work. It's like dead. And accountability is a major, major, major thing, you know, and here's my thing. We don't have to we don't have to go within and pull out all the shit all the time and go, oh, here, let's pull all the shit out here because I didn't deal with that one little thing. No, let's just pull out that one little thing. Let's stop pulling everything out. Because we've done it a hundred times, but it's accountability. And when you take accountability, you say to the universe, I am sorry, but yes, I did this terrible thing. But I wasn't in my right mind.

34:16 I didn't know what I know now. And now that I know better, I'm going to do better. But then you get to let it go. Yeah, it's like I see people like all the time and they just beat themselves up. They're so mean to themselves. And then and you'll hear that same meanness in how they talk about other people. We are human, we judge. But when you judge to a level that it is detrimental, that is not okay. Yeah, a judgment like there's, listen, I'll tell you one thing. I am a big lady. I am not a little person. I am not a little energy. And when I get mad, it was like, Oh, my God, it was intense. Laura would call me colk. I was like, Oh, Colk, you're mad. Yeah. But it was always I was always mad at myself. The reasons I got mad at myself were I expected myself to know how to like build cabinets or put doors on stuff.

35:14 I've never done in my life, but I just so thought I should do it. That is that you're pointing out another point to have reasonable expectations for yourself. Be reasonable. Don't think that you're going to heal from something completely all in like a very short about a time. It takes time. Yes. And it's like gardening, right? Like I've been gardening. We've had this house for almost four years in December. And, you know, I've had three years of gardening. And every year, I get a little better and a little better. And I hear a little bit more and clearly, and I hear things like, you know, it's too hot over here. Put me over there. The ground is too acidic here. Or, you know, I'll even hear them. The ground cherries told me the other day that I got to move them because they're in can they're in like a three by three raised bed. And they're like, we're going to overgrow this. So you got to put us somewhere where we can be free and grow because we're going to get a lot bigger. And same thing with rhubarb. So that can sound crazy, but here's the beautiful, beautiful thing about life.

36:14 When you listen to some of the things Lauren and I are trying to, to give you through these podcasts and when you put the work in, you start realizing that it does get easier. It gets easier and easier because you start to trust yourself. And then you get to the place where I'm at where I can say something. And when it's half out of my mouth, spirits already correcting what I said. And it might be a beautiful thing. And there might be no correcting to do. But if it's something that is, you know, that I've said in a way that some of it is negative or whatever, if I'm doing shadow work with myself, whatever, then, you know, I'll hear spirit come right in very calmly and say the truth. And then I'll go, all right. I'm just, and my wife knows she'll say, you know, are you hungry? Are you in pain?

37:04 You know, and, and she goes through these things, right? And then I'll go, oh yeah, like I am in pain. And when I get in pain, I can keep working, but then I get to a place where I'm like, I gotta, I gotta go be by myself. I gotta, you know, because I'm not, I'm like my mom, when mom wasn't good, she was quiet and by herself. And my wife knows about me when I'm quiet, there's something going on. Lookout. Yeah. Well, that's it. You did mention a few things that, you know, have come up in healing. And I mentioned these things not because I want you to go and just do that thing. I want you to look at your healing as a very global experience, very holistic. So you May not relate to certain things or, but whatever, but don't hyper focus on one thing. But you did mention shadow work. And shadow work's really uncomfortable. So shadow work can be, it can be shadow work is what you basically what you're describing that we have to come to a place where we realize there's parts of us that we don't always love. Maybe those parts of us aren't really acting the way we want them to act.

38:12 But those parts of us are still welcome, and they can be integrated. And when you integrate them into the complete self, then you, and by, by accepting them and recognizing them, being in awareness, then you have more control to take actions and adjust your behaviors. But if you're the person that you go and do something, maybe you know somebody like this, they'll go and do something, say something. And then when you, when you call them out on it, they go, Oh, I didn't do that. Well, that's not what I said. Well, you, you didn't, you misunderstood me. Well, you might have just said one wrong word and that whole sentence and got them like, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope. Or, or like, Oh, you're too sensitive. Yeah, I love that one. Yeah, right. So this is where you know, like that person is where they are, there might be in like a little denial phase or whatever, but they're not taking personal responsibility. And you need to have a couple key elements for healing. And you have to have that awareness of the behavior, you have to have that personal responsibility, that inner responsibility for what you've done or how it's affected other people. And then you have to be willing to change. So in order to be willing to change, all those other things must be true, like you must be willing to understand, willing to listen,

39:29 Willing to communicate. And we don't have to make them so big and heavy because, you know, we all have all these little things about us that need critiquing, right? So that we can live an easier life because man, I watch people and they're so hard on themselves about everything. And I remember I was too, you know, I was hard on myself about many things in my life. But now I'm at this place where I got to be honest, last week I was cooking like a crazy person because we have a retreat coming up and I want to make all the food organic. And I want to make it all because I want it to be good. So the old me, because I'm going to be completely honest, when I was a mother, I worked. And when I had to stay home, it isn't that I didn't love being home. I can tell you that I think being a housewife is not an easy job. There is no big pat in the back, you know, there can be not a lot of pats in the back. It's like, and I think I grew up, I think that that was in my, you know, that was being clouded by my childhood because I grew up in a family where men were the bosses. They were all the ones with the voice and everything they did was important. But women's work was to be seen and not heard,

40:48 You know, kind of barefoot and pregnant type thing. But it was not something that was appetizing to me at all. It was not something I wanted. So here I am in a place with Laura where, you know, I'm doing a lot of cooking, which means a lot of dishes, a lot of cleanup. And I've gone through the processes already because I've done this a lot. But I used to get like kind of angry in my head while I'm working going, why are you angry? Well, you're angry because you're stuck in the kitchen doing all these dishes and I go, yeah, but I really love cooking, but I don't love the dishes. So then I'd be a little grumbly sometimes and, you know, be like, oh, you know, what am I doing all this for? And you have all those voices in your head. Now I love cooking and you can't cook without dirtying dishes. So guess what?

41:35 I'm just learning how to suck it up and do it because I love it so much that I can't help myself. I made beets and chow chow and like I have so much respect for people that do that because it is a ton of work and I wouldn't sell a jar of beets for $10, let alone whatever they charge because to me it's like gold. I'm not giving this shit up. It's for us. So Kimberley's Beets. $30 a jar. Yeah. Like I just, it's not, it is so much work. And then you look at yourself and go, why do I do it? Well, I have a lot of energy as anybody knows. And I like to learn how to do things. So maybe in this life, I want to learn how to do friggin much, pretty much everything. But you just, you just described like human motivation really, because we're only motivated to do things when the outcome is more important to us than the work. Do you know what I mean? So the outcome becomes more important to you, the feelings of getting that done and the feelings of doing that like cooking and all that becomes more important to you becomes your priority. And the other stuff is just like stuff you got to do to get. Well, and here's the other side of it. When you do the work, when I'm creating, because this is, this is my, this is me being creative,

42:56 You know, whether I'm making products or, you know, cooking, whatever, this is me being creative. And I get to use my energy that way. And it makes me feel good. And I have an incredible wife who can cook like a son of a gun. And she's made me a better cook. So I, she never complains when she's cooking for me ever. She doesn't complain when she's cooking for anybody. So I've really learned that I love, there's so many things I love about her that she teaches me. And I know it's, it's the same for her. So when you're in a healthy relationship and you're trying to have each other's back, what is so hard about saying, Hey, thank you for that. Thank you for the tea. Thank you for the coffee. Thank you for getting up and bringing me, you know, like cough medicine or, or whatever, you know, I'm, I'm just so grateful that I'm with somebody who pays attention because I am somebody who I absolutely pay attention sometimes to too much. But it's because I have this very vast way of living. And I really do love love. I'm not, I'm not, I'm just that person.

44:06 And that's it. You're embracing all the sides. Like, yeah, like this is part of this job of healing, you know, you're embracing everything about you and that you are a whole entire being, but you're also interconnected with everything and everybody around you. And this is really important to, to kind of know that, know that we're not perfect, know that we have some things to do, know that we sometimes we make mistakes and we say things we shouldn't or do things we shouldn't and we have to like go into like reflection, you know, contemplation, why did I do that? Why did that happen that way? Maybe there's a way to prevent that. And, but you know what, I'm sorry for interrupting you. You know what I wish for people is exactly what you're talking about. What if you took that couple seconds after you said something, I can remember being, you know, a young mom and, you know, the kids would come home and one thing in our house is every single day I would tell the kids have a good day. And when they came home, I wanted them to know that I really meant that. So I'd say, how was your day? And we would talk. So sometimes they came home, we were all together and I had a hard day and I didn't behave the right way. So I might have been a little bit too mad or whatever, but I would say I'm sorry. In the moment I would go into the room after I told them to go to the room and I go in and say, listen,

45:25 This wasn't about you. This was about me had a hard day or this was about you. I had a right to be mad, but I shouldn't have been mad like that and I'm apologizing because you know, this is the thing. It doesn't matter who in my life has caused me what pain. There's nobody or nothing in my life. Anyone that I've ever been mad at, if they came forward and apologized just like that, it would be done. It would be forgiven because that's the kind of people we are really, unless you're really angry about a lot more than that in life. But typically if somebody says they're sorry, and they mean it, you can feel them. How could you not forgive them? Right? Right? And what a great tool. Pay attention in a moment and say, hey, I'm really sorry. I thought you meant this. And today, Laura and I know we do not send things through text because things can get misconstrued so easy. Well, yeah, if it's something sensitive, you just call the person because they need to hear the tone in your voice. You need to hear it because you could really mess something up by texting something emotional. Sometimes I've said, I'm sorry, even when I knew I wasn't at fault, but I knew that person wasn't in the place that they could do it. So I would apologize to clear the air in

46:43 The moment, but then later when things were simpler, then I would try, I wouldn't bring it back up, but I would wait for another opportunity to maybe have a better, a better time where I could teach there could be a teachable moment. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is that all of this feeds into everything we've said today that so important that you do move into that inward awareness, so that you can allow yourself to release all these mental emotional burdens that we can align ourselves with who we are, we can accept that we're a whole being. And you're doing this through feeling your emotions, taking personal responsibility, making sure you're practicing forgiveness and gratitude, and that you embrace that idea that two, three, four things can be true. You May love a person, but you can still be angry at them for their behavior. And the radical honesty with yourself is so important. Do not sugarcoat things with yourself. You know, it's so funny, my grandson, my oldest grandson, he said something to me. And I can't remember exactly what it was, but you know, he knows I love him, but he looked at me very funny. And he said, you like me. And I said, I love you. He said,

47:59 No, but you like me. And I thought, wow, you know, he didn't realize that he was asking me for more than what, you know, he really was getting it, but not it might not have been, you know, he didn't realize how big the question. And I said, Oh, I like you. I said, I like you and I love you. And he had the big smile. Oh, man, this kid's wiser than his years. Let me tell you. So one thing that's really helped myself, Kim, and a lot of people we know is to use these kind of things through the day to help you check in with yourself. So if you want to think of them like a daily anchor. So thinking about, you know, what is that for you? Is it groundedness? Is it meditation? Is it journaling? Maybe it's going for a walk outside, connecting with nature. I'm sure for Kim, it's gardening, getting your hands in the dirt, you know, many, many things. For some people, they don't have time for a lot of things. But if they say their daily intentions and they, they really make sure that they cleanse maybe in a shower or something like that, then these are the things that kind of anchor people. And one thing that Kim and I always try to like connect in the morning about our day and our upcoming week, and we have our coffee or morning coffee. So that's kind of one of our rituals actually.

49:15 And so having those daily anchors can really help you kind of almost like clear the way for these patterns to change or clear the way for you to have new spiritual awarenesses about yourself. So it can lead you down the path of healing and also just making the commitment to yourself that you are worth it to do this healing. And you're also in a place where the universe wants to support you. So all the things that are coming into your life, whether they make you feel good or they annoy you, they're there as triggers to help teach you something. So I've kind of accepted all these little annoyances. When I have a little annoyance, especially like Kim will say, Oh, that really bugs you all the time that seems to bug you. Then I seem to go, I'll go back and I'll go, I wonder why that is usually a lot of times it comes down to something that's like a deeply rooted trauma, like maybe not being seen or not being appreciated.

50:09 Like you were talking about with trying to do host work and getting really angry. These things are usually quite their events that happen in our life that left like deep scar. Yeah, they are. And it's really beautiful to come through them though and to work through them because then you get to a place where I'm not joking. I mean, sometimes I'm a machine, like I can go, go, go, go, go. But I, the thing I love is like we brought your mom a couple bottles of beets and some chow and well, she gave me a bunch of jars. So I'm like, you know, I years and years ago when I first started this work, I had two women that were into the work for probably 30 years and they came to see me and one of them said, you know, you're a trailblazer and there's no like dust on you and your wheels are never spinning. And I just loved her. She's not around anymore. But and then another lady, she said, you know, your, your products have your energy in them. So I would say that everything I touch has my energy in them. And I have this love of connecting with people and Laura and I love to have people over and we love to cook good food.

51:19 And we love the whole experience of setting the table and using our good dishes and, you know, creating this beautiful placement and stuff and, and creating the energy of enjoying food. And that's, that's one thing I always loved about Laura is man, you can tell when she's enjoying her food because like you hear it. And I love that because like, there's so many things in life that pull us down, but what pulls us up? And, you know, I love that we can both cook and that when we have company, everybody's like, oh my God, you made that. I'm like, yeah, you know, and it's love. There's love in our food. There's love in our work. There's love in the way we're trying to communicate and tell our listeners, look, this is your life. Wake up and enjoy it, but it's going to take work.

52:06 Nobody becomes a hockey player, a soccer player or a lawyer or doctor without work. Everything in life is work. But the beauty is when you put the work in, you get the benefit out. Right. So, and that's great. Leading up to our beautiful wellness retreat that is happening October 2nd to 5th in big slumber party in Fox point, Nova Scotia. We, we just wanted to announce that it's officially sold out and we will have a retreat in the spring. So if you're interested in attending one of our retreats, please send us an email. You can send us an email at circle of the sacred flame.com or sorry, circleofthesacredflame.com or one of our websites or emails would work as well. So send us a message and get on that wait list. And we are coming up on something that we should be celebrating our one year anniversary. And for our podcast. So we have, we have been, I think this is episode 49, I think today. Yeah. So that's like, that's a big accomplishment.

53:12 We have been talking to you for a year now. And if you're enjoying these podcasts, please let us know. Please send us an email, a message, something. We have an Instagram page as well. If you like Instagram, circle of the sacred flame, just look us up and let us know what you want to talk about. Yeah. That's, that's a big one for me because, you know, every week Laura and I kind of look at each other and go, what do you want to talk about? And it literally is just like that. We always figure it out. There always is some, well, we're never going to stop talking. I mean, let's just be real. We're always, we're always going to find things to talk about. But, but we want to hear from you. What do you want to hear about? What do you want to know more about? Just send us a message and let us know. Absolutely. Talk to you next week. If you're interested in contacting Kim for Soul Awakening Coaching, please contact her at mksoulcoaching.com. If you'd like to check out my website and everything that I do, please go to laurawarrenmedium.com.