Radical Self Love

0:16 Hello, I'm Kimberly. And I'm Laura. And today we're talking about radical self-love. Yeah, like the kind of self-love that you just love yourself no matter what, instead of like loving yourself on terms, which I think we're all guilty of. Oh, absolutely. And I think sometimes loving yourself the way we're talking about takes a lifetime. So it's not something that we want our listeners to listen to and say, oh, I got to do this, got to do that. It's really you find yourself in this place where then you reflect and go, wow, I've come a long way. Yeah, like, well, I think self-love takes a while. It does. Because you think about, you know, I always, I'm always like going to say these things. And then I think I don't think Kim went through that. But I was going to say, you know, when you're a teenager and you're getting used to your body and your growth and how you are looking because your looks are changing and everything, it's hard sometimes for people, like as you're growing and changing to stay in a place of self-love. And that's why young people, I think, deal with this so much. And then as you get older, you realize that some things matter less and less to you because you're getting to know yourself. But even through

1:34 Times of great spiritual growth, I feel like we still fall back into old patterns of not not exactly loving ourselves. I would agree. I just think that you don't stay there as long, you know? Well, and I think self-love, we have an idea of what self-love is. And people think that it's, you know, oh, I got my nails done today. I'm loving myself. And I love that. Then there would be a lot of women loving themselves, I would say. And I think that I think hair and nails, you know, that's that's part of it looking good as part of it and feeling good about yourself. But that's not the whole story. You know, if you, if you like, went and got your nails done, but then you let people walk all over you all day, then you're not really understanding the concept of self-love, right?

2:23 Yeah. And I think like when I was a kid, I know you always say, I didn't have this and I didn't have that. I didn't feel that way. I think I've always been somebody who is very confident or as confident as I could be in the moments. But I think for me, it was because everybody has a different life that they signed up for. And I signed up for a lot of, I would say I signed up for a lot of big and very hard things. And when you're young and you learn right off the bat, when you learn, you have to be strong. You have to look at who you are to survive in some, in some instances, right? So I'm really grateful for my childhood. I'm grateful for everything in my life because it's, it's made me be this person that I am today. And if I'm being honest, I really didn't see the person that you and so many other people see about myself.

3:15 It took me a long time to see it. And I think that I was just somebody that when I was a kid, I was highly involved in sports and I got a lot of confidence from that. And it was something that I did for myself because it really was my coping mechanisms, I'd say. Well, I have to say, one of the reasons why I thought of this topic today was because Dolly Parton passed away. I know. I love, love Dolly. And I was listening, we were listening to some of her interviews and things she was saying. And, you know, she didn't, she chose an image for herself and she didn't fit in on purpose. I love, love, love that about her.

4:01 She stood out on purpose and she was very honest about it. And I think that's where self love sits. Self love sits in the place where you can be yourself and not let other people change you or not let other people make you feel something about yourself that isn't true. Yeah. And that was one of the things I always loved about her. I used to always play guitar and sing country music. And mom used to do a great job of Dolly Partons. So Dolly was very well known in their house. And I know the other day I was listening to Dolly, one of her greatest hits albums just because she was a big, you know, she was a big deal for a lot of women. And she taught a lot of women how to love themselves. And I love her whole, you know, I know she took a lot when she was younger about having big, big, big, big, big extra big breasts and tiny, tiny waist and big hair and the nails and the whole bit. And I love how honest she is about herself and always has been. And you and I have watched many things that she's done over the years. And, you know, she loved everybody and didn't exclude anybody.

5:09 And I just love the way she loved. And I love the way that she always made herself feel good. And I think that's a big deal for women. I know, you know, whether you put makeup on or do your hair or whatever, I can be in a pair of shorts and paint all over me and my hair in a hat and I'm still completely confident. When I go out. Right. I don't have to, I love looking good. But if I get to run to the hardware store for some of the thousand times I've gone over the last four years at this house, never does it like, never do I feel bad about going out maybe with not my makeup on or myself looking as good as I like to look when I go out. I don't really feel bad about it because I feel like I'm just a human and I just can't always put, you know, put the time into doing the things for myself that I would like to. It's just I'm going to have to get some more paint or caulking or whatever it's like, you know, you're investing your energy in the task and the task is working and doing some job around the house and needing something for it.

6:14 So that, that's like, to me, it's how we decide how we conduct ourselves. So that decision that you make, you just go, I'm good enough. Right. I'm good enough the way I am. I don't, I don't need to like, look all dressed up and, you know, I'm going to Home Depot. I know. It made me laugh. I think of it when you and I were first together and I'd get in the shower and get out and put my makeup on and blow dry my hair and you'd be like, how do you do that? And I'd be like, do what? And you said, how do you get ready so quick? It took you 20 minutes to get in the shower, get out of the shower, blow dry your hair, put your makeup on, you're already to go. I'm still like, you know what it is, you know, I'm good enough. It's good enough. That's not just that. Oh yeah. Yeah. You're good enough. But also there are people that are natural beauties. I'm not saying that just because I'm your wife. There are people that have to do very little to look good. It's just the way it is. No, you're a little bit biased there, lady. No, I'm not. No. But it's interesting because I think we've been taught like the old kind of generational kind of thinking is that if you're looking after yourself,

7:32 It's selfish. And I really wanted to kind of address that today because it's hard. I had, I can talk about this because I don't think my mom's listening, but she might be. But I had a conversation with her a few years ago about this very thing. And I could tell that she did not have the capacity to understand what I was trying to say. Because I wasn't trying to say ignore other people and just look after yourself. I was saying that how can you fully be present and look after other people if you are not okay? And so that was sort of my point, but it got lost. It was lost in translation. And she took it as, you know, I was talking about being selfish and that I wasn't owning my responsibilities. It's crazy how people think like that. But it's not, I look at it like there is an age group of people that have been taught this, especially women. Yeah. So I kind of look at it like her capacity to understand was just where it was that day. And she just couldn't, she could not understand what I was trying to

8:52 Explain. But my phrase always is self care is not selfish. And when you look at when you look at older women, like how they recover from surgeries and things, and they recover from major traumas, like breaking a hip or whatever, the recovery, the successful recovery rate is much lower for women than men. And why is that? It's because men have been already looking after themselves. And I mean, we're making a sweeping statement. But for the most part, they've already been doing the things that they wanted to do for themselves before they helped other people. Well, and women are still taking care of the house and the kids and the husband needs as far as like everything they need in the home. And again, like that's generational.

9:39 And I feel like that's changing. It is. But what it changed, what it morphed into is still as scary to me. Like it, and I'm looking at it from like a spiritual perspective, like we're looking at like the, you know, the spiritual practices that are out there and what we're being told to do. And I do this in my head sometimes when I'm starting to feel bad, like maybe I haven't done all my spiritual practices. Maybe I haven't done my manifestation ritual or I haven't put my crystals out under the full moon or I haven't cleansed my house or I didn't sage recently or I haven't taken a cleansing bath or I didn't go to yoga and I absolutely did not meditate. So I go through my list, right? And I go, of course you do. Kim's like, ah, let's see. And then, and then according to the, you know, gurus of the time, and I think it is getting better by the way, but this was a few years ago when I was really caught up in doing everything the right way. And I would look at my day and go, well, I, I didn't do anything for my spirituality today. Nothing. But then I was missing all the stuff.

10:46 Like I was missing, you know, laughing and singing songs with my kids. Or I was missing being outside, even if it was just for five minutes and appreciating the wind and the trees. Or I was missing how good, you know, that, that peach was that I had after lunch. So I was missing all the moments that I was actually tuning in to myself, to my spirituality in a different way. And I realized that spirituality was not about what I did. You know, and even self love is not necessarily about what you do. It's, you own it, you take it on, you take it on like, like it is a part of you. It's your, like your plan, your forward motion. It's the essence of you. That's what I was going to say. Yeah. And it, and it doesn't have, it's not a job. No, we have to take this self care, self love has to be taken off the list as a job because we have enough jobs. Yeah, we all have enough work to do. So we need to be finding this in between, in between life and, you know, connected to life and being present. Where is, where is it? Because to me, spirituality is aligning with yourself,

12:05 Aligning with what you came here to be, who you are, and being able to express that to the world. Yeah. And I think you get to the place like, one of the things I'm grateful for is I'm 58 years old and I have earned every friggin' stripe to get there. And I love where I'm at because I don't even think about these things anymore. I just feel good. I wake up happy. I'm in a relationship where I can just completely 100% be myself, which is absolutely like that. That's, that's like it. That's a gift. That's the thing right there. That's like the million dollar, you know, life. I just feel, I feel richer than the bank account shows me. I'm happier than I've ever been. I, I live the way I want to. So I don't have those moments where I feel like I have to do things for myself. I'm, I feel like I live for myself in a lot of ways. I, I live in a way that, you know, is completely who I am. I, I play in the dirt every day and, and I have to get outside because that's like my grounding. And I like to be outside in the sense where I love to watch the trees when the wind blows through them. And I love to watch the flowers and the birds chirping. And, you know, I, I'm in my own little magical world where I'm

13:26 Watching the butterflies and dragonflies. And I can't help myself. I'm in love with life. And it's, you know, you could say it's taken me 58 years, but I've always loved life. I've always loved myself, but to what level is just the thing now? I love myself in a way that, and I, and I have all my life because I've always fought when I had to. I don't have to fight anymore, but I had to fight a lot about, you know, who I was and who I wanted to be. And, you know, I was ridiculed by many. I didn't have it easy. It's just that I didn't listen to a lot of the, the people that were giving me a hard time. I just would ignore them. I'm like, you know, sorry, but my voice in my head is as loud as the voice you're throwing at me. And I'm just not listening. And I knew that I think one of the greatest things that I've ever possessed is the ability to know that I came here to do great things. And, and some of those great things are being a good human being, being a good partner, but also being a partner that I love myself so much.

14:38 All you guys listening out there, I'm not the easiest person to be with because, as my wife always will say, you demand greatness from people around you too. And I don't realize that I do that. I just don't want to sit around in a room full of people that if we can't talk about the beauty of life, then what the heck are we doing? There's so many things to be grateful for. And what do you mean? You don't want to talk about like Stock Market, Bitcoin, the orange guy below us. You know, no, because in truth, the truth is, and I have no problem saying this is if somebody were to ask me questions about what's going on in the world today, I probably wouldn't know because I really work hard to not know things that are hurtful to me. And I don't think you're the only one. This is, this is like a theme like I'm, I'm listening to my, my clients and even friends of family and people are saying that they know that they have an algorithm with social media or whatever. So when things pop up that they don't want to see, they x them out because they're trying to change their algorithm so that it's all good things. And so there's, there's people that are paying attention to this now, they don't, they don't want to know what's happening. They don't have any control over it. So

15:56 They don't want to know. And that kind of is bringing us back to a place of being more present and more mindful. If we can stay away from, you know, all the yucky messages, you know, online. And this is, this is kind of one of the reasons why I wanted to call it radical self love, because it seems, it almost seems radical now to look at yourself in all everything you are and all what you can, what all what somebody else would say was a flaw or whatever. And just go, that's okay. And I love myself. And because you, there's so many messages more now than ever. And I think they're sneakier. But the media has so many messages about what we should look like. And who we should be. And how we should talk. Do you know how many people over the years have said something to me about my accent? And then, and then it's like, I started to get a little bit of a complex. And I was young, like this is when I was younger.

17:05 But then I got angry. And that, and the anger told me that it was okay. This is who I am. And so it doesn't matter if people think that you have an accent or not, who cares, like use it to your benefit, like just enjoy it. And so then from then forward, and this was in my 20s, people started saying, Oh, you have an accent. And then I just say, I just start talking like, yeah, down on the boat, bye. And I got my boots. Got my jacket and my fishing rod and like I just started playing into it. And I'm not even that good at that accent. But but I just started like talking to them like, yeah, all around the way by. Yeah. Jimmy's over there and he's got his beer and bag of chips. And you know, like I just started talking.

17:50 If he only knew the funny side of this woman, oh boy, she's a funny lady. It drove me crazy in the beginning. And then I thought, you know what, who cares? I grew up in a fishing village. I think I talk pretty well. I'm okay. You know, I love listening to people's accents. I love people watching. I just love listening to people in general and watching people. So I can't help it. I grew up in a very small place in Nova Scotia. And my grandfather, like I bless him, you couldn't understand what he was saying most of the time. I mean, the people that lived in Herring Cove were very like originally, like all the same families. And they went to school in Herring Cove, they worked in Herring Cove and there wasn't a lot of outside influence for my grandparents generation anyway.

18:37 And so my grandfather was, you had to listen really close if you wanted to understand what he was saying. And sometimes nanny had to translate. So yeah. But I think this idea that we're all supposed to be the same. And I tell my kids this all the time, if we were all the same, it would be a very boring world. Yeah, I agree. And so why are we all trying to be the same? And even like my oldest, this is years ago when they were in high school. And some, there was some bullying and stuff going on. And Val is very, like, very forward about who they are. So they were full goth, white and black face most days, platform shoes, like the whole thing. And they were very proud of themselves. And they should be. This is, this is a part of an aspect of who they are. And they were showing it very boldly, but they were getting bullied. And, you know, Val doesn't really have a mean bone in their body. So the name they came up with for the kids that were bullying them was the normies. And I just always thought that was so cute, because it's not really an insult.

19:44 You know, you're just saying somebody's normal. But that was their way of fighting back, which I thought, oh my God, you're so cute. But the kids that were bullying them, like they were cookie cutter, like styles, cookie cutter, hairstyles, cookie cutter activities, you know, and, and that probably suits for them, you know, and that's okay. But what suits for you doesn't suit for everyone. It doesn't match everyone. I'll be glad. And I think we're getting there. I know people think we're, you know, we're in a really bad place in the world. But if all you ever show people is the negative, then that's what people are going to think we're there. I don't have the same perception of life. I mean, I wish the news and, and all the politics that are on and stuff, I wish it wasn't so negative all the time, because I see this big, beautiful world full of beautiful choices and experiences and beautiful things. So I wish I could paint a picture for people every day to look at, you know, and that's, that's kind of what I try to do with being who I am is, you know, I years ago, when I first started in naturopathic therapy and into the Reiki and all that stuff, I, you know, I was like, I was like a kid in the candy store. I was

20:59 Like, Whoa, I can do this and I can help people. And it worked on me. So I wanted to go and do it for everybody. But, you know, you learn that people, people really have this perception of everything all the time. And I just, I always wanted to show the world that the best way to be the change is to change within yourself and really accept who you are and who you came here to be and kind of give yourself a pat in the back when things don't go right, because things aren't supposed to always go right. You know, you and I've been together for 11 years, and we have been tested to the max. We've had a lot of really hard, hard stuff. But I think the beauty in the hard stuff is that you come out of it far better than when you went into it. And you have a bigger, wider, you know, reality of love and life and and what's good and what's what's bad and all this stuff. It really is quite an amazing experience. And the thing about you and I is that we're both two people who love what we do and want to do it bigger. Yeah, you know, but if I can say anything like my work has really

22:15 Brought me to this place where I really love more about myself than I don't, you know, like that's how it works. Yeah. So the more we connect with everything that there is, we connect with the universal consciousness and we learn that's how it happens. You begin to see things about yourself. And you begin to love yourself through the challenges and through all the good things too. So, well, in the voice in your head changes, because, you know, when you're young, you're going through things. And, you know, when I was young, I was like, I was in amazing shape, like unbelievable shape. And I was crazy athlete and all that stuff. And it was it was kind of my that was what kept me good, you know, but I didn't know it. And then you get married. And, you know, when you get married, you're trying to be a good mom, a good wife, a good everything, right? And you're doing but you're doing for everyone else. But one of the things I've learned, well, I've learned so many from being with you because we're in a healthy relationship. And, you know, the first thing I started realizing was some of the insecurities I thought were mine, they weren't mine at all, because I didn't have them with you, but I did with my ex, but they were his, not mine, it was mirroring. So, you know, you, you learn all these things about yourself when you have

23:35 The ability to be just with yourself. Well, and this is really key because advancing as a spiritual being means that you have to know and accept yourself and love yourself first. And we're not talking about love yourself, like just telling yourself, I love myself. This is like making sure it's, yeah, it's the way you live. It's making sure the way you talk to yourself is with compassion and kindness that you have compassion and kindness for other people. Like, and not if you're not, if you're working on yourself in the way that you're not going to judge other people, you can't turn around and then judge yourself because it's killing the vibration and the energy too. And when we, one of the things that I teach my students to do is to actually talk about with themselves to have the intention to continuously raise their energy. And what I've noticed is people get stuck and they say, oh, I'm so blocked. And usually what the block is, is that they don't believe that this can happen for them or that they can do it. And there was a point for me when I,

24:51 When spirit was telling me, you're a medium. That was the message that was coming through. And you have to, you have to explore this for yourself. This is part of your life. But I didn't believe it yet. So what was happening? I'd sit down for a session, and I feel like nothing was happening. Nothing was coming through nothing, nothing, nothing. But I realized it was the energy of what I was telling myself before and during the session that was stopping the flow. So I was telling myself that I don't know if I can do this. I don't know who am I to say I'm a medium, look at all those other amazing mediums out there. And I don't, I can't do that. And, you know, and thinking that this wasn't going to happen for me. And that was the block. And there, I don't even know, I can't tell you, there was one day, and it was, it was like right before I met you.

25:38 So it would have been like, I don't know, 2014 ish. But there was one day that something hit me, and it was like a download from my higher self or from spirit. But all they said was, basically, if they can do it, you can do it. Right. And that was all it was. It was like, if anybody, if there's any possibility of being a medium, you can do that if you want to. But that's the beauty of the voice in your head changing because the voice in my head when I was younger was like, you know, you talk about do mirror work. And every time I take a shower and I get out and I'm getting ready, you know, I would be hard on myself, I would look for flaws, because that's what everybody does. They look for flaws. But I don't do that. And at 58, my body does not look like it did when it was younger. And I'm, I am so good with that.

26:29 You know, when I'm in front of the mirror, now I go, Oh, you have beautiful smile and have beautiful eyes. And, you know, I look at my body and go, man, have I ever put you through a lot? It's time to love you a little bit more and a little softer. And you know, and the other thing about the voice in your head is, when you're doing this on a spiritual level, for me, it's almost immediately, if I had any kind of a negative thought, even the slightest bit, the minute that thought goes through my head, it's not even halfway out. And, and my higher self is already coming in and correcting that. That's how fast it is for me now. And that's because you're in alignment with yourself. And being in alignment means that you accept everything you are, whether it's good or bad.

27:18 And that's what this radical self love, if you can't sing, you still need to love yourself. If you can't cook, you still need to love yourself. This is not, I would say yet because I believe anybody can do anything. So, or if there's something that you're not very good at, you haven't been very good at, it doesn't mean that you can't be good at it or you can't work towards it, but you need to love yourself through it. You need to love yourself through the possibilities. So, this is, we're asking you to love yourself in good times and in bad times. You know, this is not about just the good stuff. This is about when you are really struggling with something and to sit back and say, wow, this struggle is a indicator of where I am. I'm really struggling with this problem. And I'm really struggling to do this well.

28:13 But you know what? I love myself and I know I'm going to find the answer or I know I'm going to find the way and visualize yourself coming through that problem, visualize yourself, what does success look like for you? Because dream it into reality. It's never, it's never a definite answer from spirit. You know, like I have found over the years that if I ask for something, it might not happen right away. There's divine timing, but it normally comes. And one of the things that, you know, there's been many things kind of pop up in my life that I was like, wow, I wish like I could really do that or I wish that would happen. And some of it was around like really enjoying my work.

28:59 Like one in the earlier years, it was more like, you know, I thought teaching was going to be my purpose, you know, like my idea is just a little different than it was. Yeah, I thought it was going to be teaching kids and realize that wasn't exactly it. But but I really felt like I wanted to enjoy what I was doing and I wanted to love it and I wanted to feel in line with it. And over the years, I've had many opportunities to feel that and working on a documentary series and then like doing public readings or, you know, group readings, like many times I've felt the opportunity to express myself and do what I love. And so I'm so grateful for that. But I there was a time that I didn't think that would ever happen. I thought, well, you got to go to university and you got to get a career and get to work and pay bills and pay your mortgage and that's it. That's life.

29:59 That's it. So there was a time that I felt that way, but I always wanted more and I was able to dream and a lot of the dreams have happened. And I would say, you know, you need to really think about you can need to think about your dreams. You need to think about what you want and how not so much how you're going to get there, but visualize yourself doing it, being there and love yourself enough to know that you can do it. And I think one of the things with me that I've always I can I can honestly say I've always believed it doesn't mean I don't have weak moments as a mother or or or as a person human being. But you know, it's like you you really can do whatever you want to do in this life. I mean, obviously, I would hope people want to do good. But you know, for me, it's like I trust that I have everything I need within me to to do this life and to do it well. And I believe my children have, you know, it's hard when you love your kids or your grandkids or whoever we're talking about, you know, you love them so deeply. But you have to love them enough to trust that they have within themselves as well what they need to survive. You know,

31:15 Like I look at my son and he's got four kids. And, you know, I absolutely love his wife, but she is a worrywart. She's, you know, she's like, like most moms, which yeah. And I can tell you that I don't know how anybody does with four kids. And I we take them so and we love taking them, but it's a lot. And I think the thing with her is she worries, I think her biggest worry is keeping them safe in a world that feels like untethered. And then my daughter, you know, she didn't sign up for an easy thing either. And I think, you know, she has a beautiful wife, but her wife has a lot of health issues and that's not easy. So there's multiple times throughout, you know, the years that I've, I've had a worry, but my worry doesn't last for very long. I'll have the initial thought and then I'll go, you know what, I have to give this, you know, to the universe and say, Hey, I love them. I'll do anything I can for them. However, they have their own path. And really, I just send them love. So that is actually like setting boundaries with yourself and having compassion for yourself knowing that, you know, I'm concerned and I love them, but I can't be so worried and concerned that I use up all my own personal energy and that I

32:30 Don't have anything left for myself. And I had to learn by doing like exactly what you just said, I, like I absolutely, there were periods where I was going crazy trying to keep up, trying to help and, you know, do whatever, but I learned and I, I would say that I'm a pretty good learner, you know, I get it. Like this is keeping yourself in check can be a full-time job. Yep. You know, and, and we know this, we have been, you know, on this journey ourselves, like with health and food and trying to figure things out. And it's not always the easiest thing because sometimes you just don't have, you don't have the strength to go, uh, I'm going to eat the carrot sticks, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's hard and we are human, but and sometimes let's be honest, we just look, Laura and I'll look at each other and we'll put in a whole day of work and we're, we look at each other and go, I really would like to cook something really healthy right now, but you know, it might be a Greek salad at the pizza shop and a slice of pizza. Cause sometimes you just don't have, you just don't have the tank is getting empty and it's not the end of the world.

33:41 If one night every, you know, a few weeks you got to order something that's not, you know, you're, you're making your life easier. That's the idea of self love that I want to talk about because is it self love to stress yourself over, over making a healthy meal when you've been running all day and busy and the kitchen's a mess. You don't clean the kitchen first. You don't have anything out of the freezer. You're trying to think something healthy. I didn't get that. I didn't get this. And then your meal that you want to make takes you an hour to make it. Like, is that self love? Listen, I can say thank you for the self love today, my wife, because I've been making products all day and you've been working and I've been up and downstairs and I'm kind of like the crazy person this time of year. I'm, I'm making jams and I'm making chow and beats and I'm also making products and not all at the same time, but at the same time, but you know, just go from one to the next to the next. And, and I often put too much on my plate because I am somebody that is very capable. And I, I've just come to the conclusion that I'm a very creative soul and I love to create. It doesn't matter if it's fresh bread or if it's jam or if it's products. I really love, I just really love life and I love that

35:03 There's nothing I can't do. And I say that from a place, you know, it's actually a very humble place for me to be is that there's nothing I can't do when I put my mind to it. Right. And when I'm doing it for, I'm not doing it to impress somebody, I'm doing it because I really actually enjoy it. Right. And so today, you were busy working all day. And it wouldn't have been beneficial for us to try to make supper on top of everything that was going on. So we picked up something for supper. Right. Because that was still fairly healthy, but just not as that was the best thing we could do in the moment. And you know, a lot of there's a lot of studies there out now about stress. And we do need a certain amount of stress. Like as human beings, you need stress to like stretch your lung capacity, make your heart stronger, like make your mind stronger, more resilient, help you deal with challenges. So some amount of stress is good.

36:03 But what they've said is that stress over stress. Right. So stressing about stress is worse. That's way worse for the body. Yep. So we know that for us in every moment, our answer isn't going to be the same for what we need. Right. And sometimes the answer is do the thing that fits you. And so when I see all, when I see people going on crazy diets, detoxing, detoxing, you know, parasite diets and, and like all these things, like it freaks me out a little bit, because if you are, if you're completely feeling aligned with that, and how you know, if you feel aligned as you, you actually feel calm, your muscles feel relaxed when somebody talks about it. And you feel like energy is flowing through you. So it feels like for me, it feels like my chest opens up, and I'm in complete like trust mode. But if you don't feel that way, if you're starting to feel tense and stressed and dreading it and want to and like, how am I going to do this? Like, then it's probably not for you. It doesn't matter how healthy someone else says it is.

37:17 If you are too stressed doing it, then you're defeating the purpose of what you're trying to do. You're trying to help yourself and you're working against yourself. I agree 100%. And I've said that all my life really within my work and stuff is, you know, if like, I'm sorry, but if I make a coconut cream pie, or, you know, strawberry rhubarb, or I don't care anything I make care cake, you know, we, we have people over and we go to people's houses and we love to cook and we love to bring yummy food. And, you know, I will always have a piece of whatever I made or you made, and I'm not going to feel bad about it because to me, the love that goes into what we cook, and I make everything as healthy as I can, obviously. I used really good quality products and what I cook and stuff, what we cook. But I'll tell you, we've had people over and we've had like beautiful suppers and then the, you know, the dessert and stuff and we're laughing our heads off and everybody's enjoying it.

38:20 That to me is worth like, there's no dollar amount, you can put on it. It's so good, it's good for, it's good for your soul, it's good for your body. It is, because in years ago, people ate dessert, but today, we're eating so much processed food, you can't have that. You know, if you were eating decently healthy and you had your, you know, a snack that you made, anything that's made in the kitchen, I'm sorry, my grandmother was an amazing cook and there was never a time that I had anything she made that ever put any weight on me. It was always wonderful to be around her, wonderful to eat what she made. And I'm, I try to be, you know, without realizing I was, I'm, I am like her that way. I love when people come over and I love to cook good food. And you know, that's one of the reasons why I love your dad so much is he's this person that he comes in and right away, he, he looks around and he, he assesses everything, right? He'll see the table set and food there and he's like, he's a happy guy. So easy to make happy. I think, man, if more people were just like that and my kids are like that. So I love that because, you know, when you love what you do, you put a lot of work into it, you know, and you really want like, I'm somebody that I love using our good dishes. And I like, I love, you know, cloth napkins. And I just love a well

39:44 Done up table. I do maybe, maybe, maybe just getting your nails done is not self love, but maybe, maybe like enhancing all the things around you, like, or all the things that you experience, that is a form of self love. So the way that we, you know, experience our life, like, of course we're going to use the nice dishes. I mean, why wouldn't we? That's why we bought them. Right. They're not going to just sit in the cupboard. We use them. But yeah, this is, this is the thing that I think we need to think about is that alignment is important. And you'll know you're aligned with something you just know, you feel it. Yeah. There's this inner calm and knowing. There's a different feeling, like a different kind of switch that switched on when you're in alignment and you know you're okay with what's coming. And then don't let your mind question it. No. Trust your feelings. Don't let your mind come in and say, Oh, it's a lot of calories or, you know, like, or whatever, you'll have to go for a long walk after that. Have a smaller piece of it makes you feel better.

40:44 And this is only one, that's only one example, but I think we also have to know that sometimes two things can be true. So you can look after yourself and your responsibilities with yourself and with other people. But you can't always control how other people feel. And so you can still fulfill all the responsibilities that you personally have. But you can also protect your energy and protect your boundaries and not let other people, their reactions to things like change your behavior. So you've got to do some things for you. And that's okay. And as far as like, as far as like other people, like, there are some people in all of our lives that push us that want more of us, I guess.

41:34 And it's up to us to set those boundaries. But those boundaries are self love, because it means that if you continue to care for yourself, then you will be able to be there for them when it really matters. Instead of you wearing yourself out or becoming sick or not just not being able to be there in the way that you want to be. Well, and boundaries are a big, big deal. They really are. And they do, they're there for you as much as they're for anybody else. And I know there's a lot of things in my life that I've recently in the last, especially this year, there has been so much shifting this year and beautiful shifting just really, I think I was really ready for it. But you know, boundaries are something that I set probably, you know, they're very etched in stone now, because I just won't let myself go over that, that boundary because it just makes me feel not so good and and other people maybe not so good. So it's not worth it. Like at a certain point this year, I was really busy and there was still requests coming in for this or that or this. And I looked at Kim one day and I said, I can't, I know myself well enough to know that I cannot push myself to do another thing.

42:55 And you pay the price, right? Yeah. And I had to, I had to say no to a few things because am I going to go and do all the things and not be at my best? Or am I going to choose the things that you know, I know I can do and I can do well. And that's kind of what I had to do. I just had to choose the things that I knew I could do well and what would be okay. And then I had to let go of a lot of things this year that I just couldn't do. And we've had to let go of a few things around the house too, just for different reasons. But it kind of makes you feel it makes you feel like you have more authority over your path when you feel like you can be strong and well every day instead of pushing yourself to some unrealistic expectation. Like when I was talking earlier about, oh my God, did I ground myself? Did I cleanse? Did I meditate? Did I talk to the birds today?

43:50 Did I talk to the trees? Did I talk to my guides? Did I touch the ground? And then on top of it, it's like we have our health and you really should look after your temple like you really should. And, and I'm just saying that sometimes what the care is for your body and for your health is not necessarily what the larger public is saying that it is or the spiritual community is saying that it is. Well, and if it's a here's my thing is if it feels stressful for you, then that it just is that's your that's your clue. That's not the right thing for you. I mean, you know, every single day I wake up like I said, I wake up happy, we have our coffee and we we talk about the day and you know what what's your schedule, what's my schedule, blah, blah, blah. You know, but for me, it's it's getting other people's voices out of your head is the biggest gift you can give yourself because who's making you feel like you have to do that. Who's making you feel like you have to look a certain way, walk a certain way, you know, this whole spirituality, spirituality is just about you know, an awareness of who you are and what you're connected to and growth along that line.

45:02 Just continue to grow and be open and let yourself, you know, like I have been in this we have been in this work a long time. Yep. And sometimes people say things to me like I should know. And they talk about some random spiritual practice that I should know everything about. And I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I have no problem telling people I do not know everything. No, of course, I'm not supposed to either. No, and I've been in my little spiritual bubble because I had some I had some good dealings, but also bad negative dealings with people in spiritual communities like locally. And I met some really amazing people that I'm still in touch with, but some other people that weren't so nice. So I don't like, I'm not like out there as far as local events or anything. So sometimes people will say, Oh, you know, what's own, so and they did this thing. And I'm like, no, no, I don't. Or like, Oh, this new spiritual practice that's supposed to like, you know, release all your past lives or something. And I'm like, no.

46:06 When somebody tells you there's a magic pill that does certain things, I go, I don't think I'm even interested in walking down my road. I feel like I know what I need to know for me. Right. Me too. That's how I feel. And so it doesn't bother me. No, like when people say, Oh, you don't know about blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, I don't like some new thing. I don't. And people I trust that if something comes into my awareness, there's a reason, right? So if this does happen, you know, I might ask the person a few things if I feel like it's interesting. But if I don't feel like it aligns with me, I just go, Well, that's, that's a good practice for you. And, you know, I just don't, I just let it go. I think the other beauty of really getting to know yourself and love yourself, because those two go hand in hand, you know, you really have to get to know yourself. And, and when you love yourself, I'll say when you love yourself the way that I've learned to love myself, it's like, I love everything. I'm not like, I look at the spiders and the worms and you know, my grandsons were cleaning out the red potatoes and there was worms everywhere. And I was just so happy they were pulling out potatoes thinking potato, potato, look at the potatoes. And I was going, Oh, look at the worms and the soil that means

47:25 It's healthy. And yay, every year I get it healthier. And, you know, every, every year for me, it's like, I used to be so hard on myself when I was gardening and something died or something didn't grow good enough. And now I go, because I'm listening to the earth, I'm listening to my higher self. You know, I hear, you know, look how good you're doing when you listen, you know, when you pay attention. And as you learn to be patient, you'll learn more and more about how to create, you know, the soil to be better and the watering and in the space. And, you know, you just learn it all. And it's not, it's not a stress for me. It's like calm. When you understand that you are part of the collective, you are connected and everything's connected. And you understand that there is this divine matrix and a plan. You don't worry as much about things that can be perceived as failures. In your case, the plants go back to the earth. And it's a it's teaching you about life cycle, and you're learning things every year. And you know, that source consciousness knew that this was going to happen. They, it's like everything is known.

48:39 Everything, they know how long that plant's going to live, they know what's going to happen to it. They know why that plant is coming to your life in that way and what it's going to teach you. So when everything is already set in motion, and there is a reaction that comes from an action every time, and it's all already written, it's all known. You don't feel anymore like you're making some massive mistake, you know, like just by doing something you love. So you are, you're in the garden, you're doing something that you absolutely feel like you were born to do. You feel right doing it. It makes you feel good. You're happy. And a plant dies. The universal consciousness already knew that plant was going to die.

49:28 Exactly. And I just don't worry. I don't, I don't really worry about a lot of things. I have moments where, you know, whatever I'm doing, I might have an expectation and it might not hit the expectation rate on bullseye, but I'm still always really happy because if I sit here in a moment and reflect, I can say that I live a very rich life. I get to play in the dirt. I get to, you know, communicate with these plants and, and learn from them and, and they feed me and I feel incredible. Last week, three nights in a row, you know, I made different meals and almost everything on our plate was from the garden. You know, the herbs, the garlic, the vegetables, potatoes, whatever, except for the fish, which came from a friend like a fisherman. So for me, it doesn't get any better than that really. It doesn't because, you know, and then the truth is I never, I hardly ever stopped. Now I know how to sit and take it easy and, and all that stuff. It's not that it's I'm somebody who, for me, work is like meditative. And the other side of it is that I've gotten myself to this place where, especially

50:48 Remodeling and renovating this house is I really realize that I can do anything, but I have to fail to become successful. And I've failed so many times that I've become very successful. And it's like all these stories you hear about the person that invented something. Well, you know, I think, I think I heard something today on something I was listening to about Thomas Edison, and he found out 2,500 ways to not build a battery. You know, it's about that one time you succeed. And I think that that's a big, that that's a big story, you know, like whatever you tell yourself, but for me, it's like I can sit down and make a bunch of products and people love them and it makes them feel good using them. And then it makes me feel good because I'm using the earth and I'm so I'm more and more all the time. Now I'm growing the plants. And then I'm using the plants to infuse them in oil or to make tinctures or to put them in my salves or, or whatever it is. And then I'm growing food that we eat or, you know, where we've learned how to make bread. And I just feel like the luckiest person in the world. And I know that sounds, you know, whatever, but for me, food is energy. And there is nothing and I love water. Like I love, I just love

52:10 You're living in alignment and total acceptance of your path. And that's what we're talking about. The radical self love is not just saying to yourself, you love yourself or accepting, you know, it's more than that. It's much more, you need to accept yourself as an individual. You need to accept yourself as a divine being. How many people I talk to, and they say things like, you know, I don't think I can do that. I'm not like you. Or I don't think I'm ever going to get over that. Or I don't think I can handle that. And my response always is, you can do anything that you work towards and that you believe you can do. Obviously, you know, you can't grow taller. If you're short, you're probably just going to be short.

53:02 But you can't grow a new arm if you lost one, that's not possible. But we're talking about, we're talking about things that, you know, skills and achievements and things you want to accomplish in your life. Literally, that saying is so cliche. But I'm going to say it, if you can dream it, you can do it. And the reason for that is you don't dream about doing things that you don't have the capabilities to do. So your soul, your desires, they come directly from source, because that is your soul path. So when you dream about something or you desire to do something, that's your higher self, the higher self telling you that this is where we want you to go. And you May not believe it, you might not think you can do it, you might not think it's possible for you. But until you start, you won't know. And there is a, there's a plan, but do you think in this intricate plan that any soul would ever come here without all the abilities they needed to complete their mission? And wouldn't it be so much easier if we would just trust that, you know, shit just happens sometimes. It just does, it doesn't mean you deserve it. It

54:22 Doesn't mean anything sometimes it just happens. And it's how you deal with that. That's the real and you know, we used to look at chaos and we'd say, Oh my God, look at that mess. Scientists have studied chaos and there is order. There is order in chaos, even there's reason for it. There's something that needs to come from it. So even in your own life, you have things that are going on that you don't like, you need to have faith in yourself that you can change them. You need to have faith in yourself that it can be better. And, and I think that's something that like you go through things quite quickly. And sometimes you're going through all the processes, but you're going through them so quickly, you don't notice. But one of the things that I've noticed about you is that ability to move past things that people other people would get stuck because they either don't themselves or they don't their kind of forward motion, like they don't they don't their ability. Or they May think that things won't come together for them.

55:28 And I see you, I see you move past all these stages, but you just move past them really quickly. And so you don't have that kind of gear, you don't get stuck in that gear where you think, well, that's it, I give up, I just can't do that. And a lot of people do get stuck. And I think it makes me come back even stronger though, because I have the moments that I go, you know, I'm human. But then I come back, it's like, I've been having a lot of visions of the future. And I'm doing a lot of cooking. And I was joking with you going, I don't know why, but I feel like I'm going to be, obviously, I'm not doing it as a living. But, you know, I, I really have become this person who loves to cook. But I still would get stuck in all the dishes and the cleanup. And I'd be like, Oh, you know, I don't love this. But I've taught myself that, you know, if you really, really love something, it's all a part of it. So who cares about the dishes? Because you got to do them anyway. Why do you give yourself a hard time about it? It's, it's all in the process of how our thoughts go through the process, you know, the higher vibrational thoughts make you feel better too. Right. And actually, they change

56:44 Your physical brain chemistry and move into a place where you can think clear, you do feel better, you can make more decisions. Yeah. And so why not? Why not real estate to me is like the most important. So it's like, why would I want it? It's the same thing with like, I would love to lose 40 pounds. But if I don't lose one pound, and I live like this for the rest of my life, I'm going to love me. Because I'm tired of watching people. I've seen a lot of people just in my family be so hard on themselves about weight or about, you know, you're going bald, you can't, what the hell are you going to do about that? That seems like a terrible thing to beat yourself up over that, you know, you don't have control over. You know, even as a woman, I've been losing my hair for a long time and I don't like it, but I, you know, I'm not going to stop loving myself. And here's the other thing. I know how much I love myself because I will not do some fad diet to lose weight. I will not do some crazy thing that, you know, sorry, I'm not going to hear the difference. I just won't do it.

57:52 How many people are waiting to live their life because they are overweight? I know. But skinny people don't like themselves. People with straight hair want curly curly like it's human. I have met so many, so many people that they are just, I've met a lot of people that love themselves and they're not concerned about what other people think about what they're wearing or how they wear it. And I have to say that's the only way to be because we are, we are given this life. We're in this experience. We are this person. There's some things that are fixed, you're not going to change them. So why, why are we wasting our time worrying about all these things? You know, the color of your hair, the color, you know, do you have wrinkles like your skin, your nails, your, your clothes? Like, why are we worried about all these things when we are beautiful people that have a lot to offer the world and we can help other people feel the same way? I think it's just, it makes you feel better to be in a positive place. So why wouldn't you do it?

59:02 Well, and loving yourself is like the greatest, greatest thing because you, you know, at first it's a little bit of, it can be work for some people, I would say. But the more you just keep learning to correct yourself in the moment. So you have a thought and then you have an awareness of the thought and you go, oh, wow, that's, where's that coming from? You get a, you have to be your own best friend. There really is no way around it. And this is in the sense that if you wouldn't say it to your best friend, then do not say it to yourself. And also to know that your dreams, your dreams are important. Your desires are important. They're probably the most important thing in this life because what are you here for? Your dreams are leading you on your soul path. And if you turn away from your dreams, then you're not really living. It's the way that we're set up that our dreams and desires are our signals to come in and show us as a soul, which way to go.

1:00:06 So dream big, follow your dreams and just know that you are a beautiful person that you were set here set on this earth for just to be here, just to express your vibration, whatever that is. And there's no one, that's one thing I always found like with clients or whatever is like every single person that came to this earth to have this experience should have the same as anybody else. Like why we think like I have never been the person and maybe I am different. But when I was a kid, I didn't grow up to say I never had those dreams of saying I want to be a singer, I want to be this or I want to be that. I just want to be a good human being.

1:00:52 And that's that's a good dream. You know, that's a good dream. And it wasn't about, you know, it wasn't about a title. And I still to this day hate labels because I still believe that they, they, they make people feel like they're less than and I'll tell you something, you can give me all the labels in the world and you'll never make me feel like I'm less than it's not going to happen. You know, I'll leave, I'll leave with one small story. I had a friend who had a terrible singing voice, like I'm talking sounded like somebody beating a cat in a bag like terrible voice. And the cat in the bag, I like that. And I, and I did not understand why she wanted to sing all the time. I was like, your voice is like geek.

1:01:39 She said, my mother told me that God gave me this voice, so I should let him listen to it. And I was like, that's perfect. That's perfect. Well, when I met you, you said you didn't, somebody told you couldn't sing and I don't need to know who, but you know, you and I, we drive in the car, a bunch of people. Well, anyway, but I think that, you know, I play guitar and sing, but I can't sing every song good because like Dolly Partons, for instance, her voice was so soft and you know, I have a very strong voice, so I don't need a microphone and, and all that stuff. And my mother had, like we would do, like we would harmonize together and stuff, but we, our voices were totally different, but we sounded good together. And I always say, you know, and I said to you, right from the get go, if you want to sing, just sing. But I can say right now, there are some songs you sing amazing. And again, just like any other person, there's some songs where our voices just aren't four. And that's okay. But the thing about me is, oh my God, I love listening to you sing because, you know, you have all these different places you go with your singing.

1:02:48 And it, I just laugh, you put a smile on my face every time. So I just love that you're so happy. I don't care who's listening anymore. But that's, that's the whole point. You got to sing, you got to dream, you got to get out there and experience your life and, and let that whoever that voice is in your head, you got to replace it. And I tell my clients this all the time, you know, that I coach or whatever. And I'll say, you know, you have to become the driver. You're in control of your head. Nobody else is in control unless you let them in. So if you want to be in control, you listen to your voice and then get to know yourself, have some awareness and learn to love yourself deeper than you ever have before. And you'll learn, you'll learn to love your life and the world deeper than you ever have before.

1:03:37 Radical self love and no second guessing. Absolutely. See you next week. If you're interested in contacting Kim for Soul Awakening Coaching, please contact her at mksoulcoaching.com. If you'd like to check out my website and everything that I do, please go to laurawarrenmedium.com.